She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
nutella sex= disaster
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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