Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
