No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
