We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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