he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
