i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
