guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
