One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
