debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
