oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
