Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
