Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
