Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize