Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
