Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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