Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
