he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
