ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
