I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
