hell yes lets make some ravioli
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
