I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
