I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
