I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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