ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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