PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
