if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So vagazzling was a success
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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