i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
