im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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