Where is the hickey?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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