i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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