Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
