I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
