Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
