yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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