So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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