i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
