Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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