all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
