I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
