I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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