i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
