people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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