oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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