she woke up with a sticky ear
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize