..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
