M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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