Please, let me fuck your mom
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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