ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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