Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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