sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
