I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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