she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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