Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm both gender and math confused
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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