Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
