All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
