She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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