Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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