yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
