No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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