hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize