3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
