Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
