This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
