how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
