FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
