guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
