Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
