Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
