you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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