would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you didnt know i had herpes?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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