The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
