life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize