If that was your dad, he is hot
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
