Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Drake has all the answers
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
