i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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